Stay Away From Her Purgatory Bro.
“Give me a little time to think over it”
“Give me time to sort things out”
“I love you, but I have a boyfriend. Please gimme time to sort this out.”
If a lady makes these above statements or similar ones to you, that means, she wants to put into her “Purgatory.”
You’re neither in Heaven nor Hell.
You’re just stuck in between.
A girl usually makes these kinda statements, when you proposed a relationship to her, but for one or two reasons, she’s not yet sure she wants to be in a relationship with you. But she doesn’t want to cancel you off totally, in case she happens to change her mind someday.
Or she doesn’t want a committed relationship right now, she just wants some casual flings while she keeps you on hold for the future when she’s ready to commit.
From personal experience, this is not a good place to be.
REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD AVOID A GIRL’S PURGATORY
First of all, she’s not your girlfriend yet, so you’re not entitled to any boyfriend benefits. Unless, she just decides to show you small love. That means she’s in total control.
And that’s really bad for a man. Very very bad.
Secondly, you’re like on a probation. As in, be a good boy and do a good work, and you’ll be promoted to the boyfriend. Just like the Friend zone.
So, you won’t be free to flirt with other girls because she has placed you on probation.
Hence, you just suspend your social life for a girl, who’s probably enjoying hers.
Chai!!! This is “many-many” bad bro.
Thirdly, 95% of the time, you don’t leave this probation. You keep on waiting, and waiting. While she keeps on enjoying her life.
Then later you realize that she’s been dating or strafing other guys all those times she told you she wants some time or wants to sort things out.
Or even worse, she starts dating a new guy she just met. While you’ve been waiting.
And this is really painful. You’ve kept your social life on hold for this girl, and while you’ve been waiting for her, she has been dating.
Like I told you earlier, this has happened to me before.
So there was this girl, I met in my 100 level second semester in the Uni. She came to visit a friend, She was in another school.
So I got to know her, you know.
I tried taking things very slow (I was forming gentleman; the nice guy) Hahaha, clueless me. There are things I just remember, I’ll feel like slapping myself ehh.
To cut the long story short, I finally asked her to be my girlfriend; and she told me that;
“She has a boyfriend, but she doesn’t like him. He’s controlling and rude… unlike me that’s so gentle and understanding… however, she can’t leave him because she’s scared he might hurt her, he’s so powerful in her school and stuff… so I should just give her time until the guy leaves the school. She said he was in 300L, so he just has a year in school, after that she’s free to date whomever she wanted.”
When she told me this then, I was determined to wait for her, and in the meantime, I called her and showed her affections like I was already her boyfriend. You know I wanted to show her I’ll make a fantastic boyfriend, when the time comes.
I even declined approaching certain girls who were showing me green-light then.
I was already learning how to be faithful.
After I became wise in women matters, I looked back and analyzed that statement she made to me then. And I saw she used an exceptional format on me to move me into her Purgatory.
First she declined my offer(She has a boyfriend) but immediately gave me hope ( she doesn’t like her boyfriend, because he has this and that character), then she complimented me (unlike you, that’s gentle and understanding) . Then she cemented it all with a logical reason, why she can’t leave him at the moment (because she’s scared he might hurt her) and then added more hope for me (that he’ll be leaving the school soon, giving her freedom to date anyone she wanted).
Brotherly, shey you now understand what I mean when I say– Girls are smart when it comes to heart matters. Very smart.
So I was stuck happily in her Purgatory for almost a year.
Then in my 200 L second semester, we’re discussing and I found out mistakenly she was in a serious relationship, and it wasn’t the rude guy in her school.
When I calculated the systematic of the whole thing, I realized that she was already dating that guy before she even entered the university and met the one she only told me about then.
It was really painful when I realized this. I wasn’t bitter towards the lady; it wasn’t the girl’s fault. It wasn’t the two of those guys’ fault. It was mine. I was the one who willingly entered the Purgatory. “Na me fuck up.”
If I had walked away immediately she declined my offer, no matter how juicy the hope she gave me was, I wouldn’t have been that pained.
I’ve learned from my mistakes. I hope you learn from it also.
What to do when a girl tries to put you into Her Purgatory?
Before I tell you that, let me give you this illustration;
Let’s say you wanted to sell off your phone, and the phone is in excellent condition, it’s just that you wanted some extra cash to do something.
Now you’ve convinced your friend that the phone is a good fit for him. And he said he’ll buy it, but you just have to give him a month, the money he has now is for his textbooks and handouts.
Now he has given you hope and assurance he’ll buy it, so since he’ll buy it, you didn’t go out looking for another person to buy the phone.
It’s now a months time, you met your friend, he tells you another story.
You’ll feel angry and upset right? Not necessarily because he turned you down. But because you know you could’ve found another buyer within that month.
Now, in another scenario;
You ask your friend to buy the phone. He asks you to wait for a month.
However, you say to him, no I can’t do that. If you can’t buy it now, I’ll have to sell it to another person who’s ready and you walk away.
If truly your friend wants to buy that phone, he’ll run around for some money, and buy it immediately because he knows if he doesn’t do it now, it’ll be gone forever.
And even if he doesn’t, you’ll find another buyer ASAP.
As you can see, this second scenario is a ‘Win-Win’ for you.
So when a girl asks you to give her sometime to think it over.
Tell her that you’ll give her the time. However, you might not remain available when she finally decides.
Then you cut off your attention from her immediately. If she calls you on phone, answer her sometimes (don’t answer her every time). Never make the mistake of returning those calls.
During those calls, talk with her casually, and don’t ever mention about relationship stuff with her.
If she tries chatting with you, ignore her. Don’t chat her on social media.
This act will help her make up her mind quickly.
If she really likes you and would want to date you, she’ll start chasing you and start cooperating with you.
And as you go in to kiss her or try to do those other stuff with her, she obliges you sharply.
Like that, relationship don start bro
But If she doesn’t like you that much, she’ll not keep in contact with you. But since you moved fast with her and didn’t keep your social life on hold for her; you won’t feel it.
And the fact is, even if you stayed in her Purgatory for 45 years she won’t still let you enter Heaven.
It’s simple like that.
Bro, you’ve to understand if a girl doesn’t date you immediately, she’s likely not to date you again, because like I’ve emphasized over and over in this platform, a lady’s attraction is very short.
And the more you wait for her without making her your lover, the less romantic attraction she feels for you.
Prove me wrong, have you dated any lady who asks you to give her some time to “sort” things and you gave her the time, while still keeping in contact with her as a potential lover?
I guess the answer is “No!”
Decide today never to enter the Purgatory.
It’s either you’re in or you’re out.
No in between.
About the Author: Gerald Dike
Gerald Dike is the founder of Relationship Strategies For Men. He has helped thousands of men have better interactions and healthy relationships with women of their dreams. He is also an entrepreneur in one of the biggest countries in Africa.
You can grab his new Book here==> The Attractive Man: How to Become the Man Who Women Desire And Chase