The Early Stage of a Relationship:
I’m usually able to guess couples who just started a new relationship; the ones who are still in the early stage of a relationship— you could also call it the honeymoon period. You normally see them together almost every time, holding hands, looking into each other’s eyes, stealing kisses and so on. It’s actually cute to watch them.
However, what you do in this early stage of a relationship determines greatly how successful your relationship will be on the long term. The truth is, in this period you’ll be so in love with the girl that:
- You’ll want to spend most of your time with her.
- You’ll be spending money generously on her.
- You’ll always want to call or text her every time to check on her and hear that her lovely voice.
- You’ll be sending her good morning and night text messages every day.
- You’ll wish to see her 6 times or even 7 times in a week.
It’s not your fault bro! You’re under the influence of a strong emotion, called love. However, that’s really a wrong move to take in the early stage of a relationship.
CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS AND THINK LONG TERM
One of my favorite authors, Brian Tracy, always emphasizes on how important long-term thinking is to success in every aspect of someone’s life. He said in his book Eat that Frog, “Long-term thinking improves short-term decision making.”
What this simply means is that when you think about the long term consequences of what you’re about to do or not to do you’ll make better decisions in your life.
So when you just begin a relationship with a girl, and your emotional brain is telling you to spend all your time with her; or to be sending her good morning and goodnight text messages every time; or calling her every day… pause, and get hold of your logical brain and ask yourself;
What if something changes in my life, and I become busier with my life, will I still be able to spend most of my time with her calling and texting her every time?
What if I start a new business tomorrow and it starts draining my energy, will I still be able to send her these good morning and night text messages?
Basically if you know you won’t be able to keep up doing something for your girl, don’t do it at all at the beginning of the relationship.
Why? You might ask…
Let me explain better with this illustration:
Let’s say you met this awesome girl you really admired, and at the start of the relationship she was always calling you, she normally comes to your place to cook and wash your clothes for you every weekend. Wow you’re really in love with this girl.
Then as the relationship went on, she reduced calling you, comes to your house rarely, and even the ones she tries to come, she’ll give an excuse why she can’t cook or wash. You’ll feel something is wrong, and even if she gives you a rational reason (maybe she got a job or some other thing) you’ll still feel that something is off and the relationship is declining and you will always look back to the days when she was doing all those things for you, then the love you had for her will start decreasing too.
This is the exact same way your girl would feel when you suddenly stop sending her those romantic morning and night messages, or when you’re no longer calling her every day like you used to before; or when you now see her just twice instead of 5 times a week you usually saw her at the start of your relationship, no matter the rational reason you give to her.
And when a lady starts feeling you’re losing interest in her, drama sets in, and when drama sets in she starts losing interest in you, and the relationship starts declining.
On the other hand, let’s say you met another awesome girl you really admired, and at the start of the relationship, she just calls you thrice a week, and when she comes to your place she doesn’t cook or wash your clothes, rather she suggests you two eat outside. Since, you’re already in love with her (the honeymoon period), you accept her for who she is.
Then one weekend, she just came around, cooked for you and washed your clothes. How would you feel? Wow! You’ll feel that the relationship has entered the next level, and you fall in love more while buckling up on your own side to complement her sudden effort in the relationship.
This is the exact same way your girl would feel when you suddenly start doing certain things you didn’t do at the start of the relationship. For example, if you never sent her a good night message, then suddenly she receives a good night text from you, her attraction for you will increase. Maybe you started spending more time with her and getting to know her friends than you used to, she’ll feel that the relationship is strengthening, and she’ll love you more.
This is another reason, I don’t want guys chasing girls. I mean that girl you’re chasing by calling her every day to check up on her, or trying to text her every time, or buying her gifts so that you’ll win her love. If she finally accepts you as her boyfriend, would you continue calling, texting, and buying her gifts like you did when you wanted to get her?
If the answer is no, then there’s no need to do all those things in the first place.
The early stage of a relationship is a very sensitive time. Do not be controlled by your emotions into doing things for your girl which you know you can’t keep up at the long-term in the relationship.
It’s always best to start little in a relationship, while you add more effort as the relationship is progressing, in that way she’ll see the relationship as strengthening, instead of starting big and cutting down as the relationship is going, thereby giving the lady a feeling that the relationship is fading.
Hence, in the early stage of a relationship you should start little and do not start big. It’s always best to promise someone little, and deliver big; than to promise big and deliver little.
About the Author: Gerald Dike
Gerald Dike is the founder of Relationship Strategies For Men. He has helped thousands of men have better interactions and healthy relationships with women of their dreams. He is also an entrepreneur in one of the biggest countries in Africa.
You can grab his new Book here==> The Attractive Man: How to Become the Man Who Women Desire And Chase