Taking charge of your relationship

Are You the Leader or the Follower in your Relationship?

What position do you occupy in your relationship? The Leader or the Follower?

I’ll be talking more about relationship this month. But trust me, it won’t be like these other relationship advice which are flooded in the internet or social media. You know; all those wake her up with kisses, show her off, call her everyday and the rest of those fantasies.
If you’ve been reading my posts, you know I tell you “what it is”, and not what the society expects it to be. I’m a guy after RESULTS and not just mere REACTIONS.
Hence, these relationship strategies will be straight to the point and very practical which you’ll start seeing obvious results when you apply them consistently.

So a few months ago, I was in a Fast food near my neighborhood, relaxing and easing off the pressures of life, when this damsel walked in. A tall chocolate dark skinned girl with a tiny waist, flat stomach and a lovely ass — just as I love them. She was scanning the fast food with a bit of a squeezed face. As I was admiring this God’s creation, a guy about the same age with the gal joined her and held her hand immediately as he noticed I was checking her out.

Suddenly, the girl turned and muttered some words to the guy, and left the fast food immediately before the guy could even reply. From the look on the guy’s face he was a bit embarrassed, then he slowly turned and followed the girl.

From my observations, I think they’re in a relationship, and the guy picked that fast food as venue for the date, however the girl didn’t like the venue and left immediately. But most importantly what I found out from that little drama was that the girl is the leader in the relationship while the guy is the follower.

And this is what I’ll be talking about today, the relationship control; the leader and the follower.


The fact is in ANY relationship between two people, there will always be a leader and a follower. There’s no such thing as a COMPLETELY BALANCED relationship. There’ll always be a partner that values the relationship MORE. The both partners cannot be EQUALLY IN LOVE with each other. There’ll always be the partner who’ll be in love more than the other.

The follower is often the one who values the relationship and is in love with the leader more.



If you’re the follower in your relationship, you’re likely to experience two or more of the following in your relationship;

  • You’re usually scared of losing your girlfriend to other admirers.
  • You call her more, and you’re usually the first to text her.
  • You’re usually the one who wants to spend time with her.
  • You’re happy to be with her, but you’re not COMPLETELY happy.
  • She cancels on appointments with you most times giving rational reasons she can’t make it.

On the other hand, if you’re the leader in your relationship, you’re likely to experience two or more of the following in your relationship;

  • You’re secure in the relationship, you know your girl won’t just leave you without a CONCRETE reason.
  • She’s the one that calls more, always chatting you up, and always eager to see you.
  • You love her, but not as you loved her at the start of the relationship.
  • She rarely cancels on dates with you, and even if she does, she will apologize sincerely and will be so eager to set up another date to make it up to you.


Basically, if you’re the follower in your relationship, you’ll be more emotionally invested in her (ie more in love with her than she is with you). However, if you’re the leader in your relationship, you’ll be less emotionally invested in her (ie less in love with her than she is with you).

Why is this so?

The thing is; it is the same part of the brain that handles the emotion of being in love and being out of control. In simpler words, people tend to fall IN LOVE with someone they feel they don’t have control over, while people fall OUT OF LOVE with someone they feel they have total control over.

Now take a moment, and think about every girl you were madly in love with or you’re currently crazy about…

Do you have absolutely control over her?

Are you 100% certain she’s going to do most things you ask her to do?

Are you certain she’s going to pick up your call if you call her this very minute, or reply your text?

I guess the answer is No!

what position do you occupy in your relationship


I’ve analyzed certain reasons why you might end up as a follower in your relationship, and they’re two major reasons I’ve found out so far, they’re;

  • You Chased the girl during courtship. This is one of the major reasons why I’m against guys chasing girls. When you chase girls, you give them this feeling that they’re more valuable than you. And if you guys eventually start a relationship, she’ll definitely carry that feeling of superiority in value into the relationship. This now makes her the Leader, while you become the follower in the relationship.


  • You put the Lady on a Pedestal. Guys usually do this, especially with ladies they think are out of their league. This usually happens to guys who have the scarcity mentality. The mentality that a girl is one in a lifetime, and if they lose her, they won’t be able to get her kind of woman again. So they start treating the girl like she’s irreplaceable, and once you start treating ANY lady like that, she assumes the leader in the relationship while you become the follower.



Personally, I love being the leader in my relationships. I’m not a feminist, and I don’t plan on becoming one in the nearest future. I believe that a man should be the one to lead in the relationship; he should be the one behind the steering wheels while the lady stays at the passenger seat. The lady would be giving directions to the man from time to time, however it’s the man who will take the final decision and steer the vehicle (relationship), to the direction and with the speed he chooses.

However, everyone is different; hence, we will not all want ONE thing. I always respect that; I sincerely believe in “Live and Let Live.” So, what I’ll do is to list the advantages and disadvantages of being a leader or follower in the relationship, and I’ll let you choose the one you wish to be in your relationship(s).

Is that okay? Awesome


  • You’ll remain in love with your partner; loving her even more.
  • Since you’re in love, it’ll be easier for you to stay faithful to her in the relationship.



  • Since she knows she got you in control, and she knows you’re willing to do almost anything for her, she falls out of love with you. She’ll probably still be in the relationship with you, however she won’t be attracted to you as she was at the beginning.
  • If a girl falls out of love with you; it’ll be easier for her to be unfaithful to you.
  • She’ll respect you less, because subconsciously she knows she’s the leader now. Hence, you’ll feel lesser of a man in your relationship.
  • You’ll have this feeling of insecurity; always suspecting her of cheating. Insecurity really fucks up a man pretty bad in all aspects of his life.



  • You feel secure in the relationship, because you know your girl is heads over heels in love with you, and won’t cheat on you unless you give her a reason to.
  • You have your respect as a man in the relationship, and she gives you compliance to almost everything you ask of her. Psychologically, when girl(s) are submissive to you, you feel more of a man.



  • You’ll fall out of love with her. You’ll not be feeling the vibe of the relationship as you were in the beginning.
  • You’ll be more tempted to cheat on her, since you’re not that in love with her again.

So, bro I’ve given you everything you need to make your decision. The ball is on your court now. Follower or Leader? You decide.

Now, what if you’re just finding out you’re the Follower in your relationship, and you want to become the Leader. Is that possible?

Actually, it depends on how much out of love your girl has fallen out with you. If she hasn’t fallen out of love much, it’s very possible to becoming the leader. On the other hand, if she has completely fallen out of love with you, no strategy will get you back to the leadership position.



Since, she feels she got you absolutely in control. The best way to get back at being the leader is to give her the feeling she’s no longer in control over you.

You can give her this feeling by:

  1. Mirroring Her Interest and Subtracting from it. This simply means if she usually calls you 4 times a week, you’ve to start calling her once or twice a week. If she takes an hour to reply your text, you take two or three hours  to reply it. You understand the format? Cool.
  2. Create Mystery. When you apply the first step, she’ll notice she’s losing control over you; that something is not right. So, she’ll probably ask you “what’s up? Or what’s wrong” Just casually tell her everything is okay, it’s just that you’ve been pretty busy with one or two projects. Create mystery, and don’t explain to her that you reduced calling because she doesn’t call much. Just be a bit elusive.
  3. Try Getting Her to Do Stuff Together more at YOUR own accord. Go to more dates with her when YOU want to, and not when she wants. Try to get her to invest in you more and do more stuffs for you. If your relationship is sexually active, make sure you have sex with her when you want to, and not only when she feels like. Basically, if you wanted to have sex with her, and she refused saying she was not in the mood or giving you other flimsy excuses; when next she wants to have sex with you, decline too.

When you do all these things, she starts feeling that she’s no longer in control over you, and as she starts to try and regain control over you, she starts investing more in you, hence falling more in love with you. Then you become the Leader in the relationship.

This doesn’t mean you should become a COMPLETE JERK to your girlfriend. No! Be charming, smooth and sweet when you apply these strategies on her. That’s the secret to success with women; be charming, smooth and sweet when being a jerk to them.

NB: If your girl has fallen completely out of love with you, and you try these strategies on her, she might use that as an opportunity to break up with you.



In every relationship between two people, be it friendship between two female or male, marriage, or a romantic relationship; there’s always a leader who leads, controls and calls the shots in most things which happens in the relationship, and a follower who’s always more emotional invested in the relationship.

So bro, decide on which ever suits you and be that in your relationship. I already know the one that suits me better.

Stay safe bro,

Gerald Dike.



About the Author: Gerald Dike

Gerald Dike is the founder of Relationship Strategies For Men. He has helped thousands of men have better interactions and healthy relationships with women of their dreams. He is also an entrepreneur in one of the biggest countries in Africa.

You can grab his new Book here==> The Attractive Man: How to Become the Man Who Women Desire And Chase

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