THE FRIEND ZONE: INTRODUCTION
I look around me, I see a great evil. This evil pains me greatly.
I see a lot of guys settling with being just friends with a lady they dream every night to date. A lady they wish to take into their arms and make love to her like a man should do.
It’s even more painful that they’re hoping in their heart that if they continue being this great and supportive friend to the lady of their dreams, she would realize how such a catch they are and date them.
Ohh! This brings tears to my eyes and ache to my heart.
That’s why I’m making this post. I want to help you get out of the friend zone.
But first things first.
I have to explain what this ‘friend zone’ actually is; because most guys are in this zone and they’re not even aware of it.
WHAT IS FRIEND ZONE?
Friend zone is a situation between two people, where one person wants romance and the other person wants to be ‘just friends’ or is comfortable with just being friends.
It’s actually a really frustrating place to be. I no go lie… I’ve been there and ain’t going back there again.
Both guys and ladies can be in the friend zone though; however it happens mostly to guys.
So in this post I’ll tell you why you’re in that friend zone or why guys in general enter the friend zone.
But before I go on to tell you the reason(s) why you might have been friend zone; I have to tell you something…
“She didn’t friend zone you, you friend zoned yourself bro”
Did I just say that? Yes I did and that’s the truth.
Yeah… she might have pointed you to the directions of her friend zone. True!
But na you carry your legs reach there, come use hand open the door; come enter.
Like they say, ‘you can take a horse to the stream, but you can never force it to drink from it’.
So she might have taken you there, but she didn’t force you to enter the zone. You could have always walked away when you’re not getting what you wanted.
Now that I have made that clear, let’s now see why she had the morale to take you there in the first place.
Buckle up… because it’s going to “wow” you!
REASONS WHY SHE MIGHT HAVE FRIEND ZONED YOU
- She sees herself higher in Value than you:
Before a lady goes into a romantic relationship with you, she does something called ‘matching’. This simply means, consciously or unconsciously, she compares the levels you guys are both in.
She might consider if she’s more educated than you; more physically attractive than you; older than you; her social class (wealth & money) compared to yours and so on.
She now uses one or more of the above criteria to determine if you’re of higher, equal or lower value than her. The criteria used depend on the girl. It’s not the same thing for every girl.
Generally, ladies enter a romantic relationship with men of equal or higher value than them and friend zone the ones they perceive are of lower value than them.
Lemme further explain this with an illustration;
There’s this guy, let’s call him Emile.
Emile is in year 1, and he likes Sandra a final year student and wants her as a girlfriend.
So Emile approaches Sandra and they start talking and since Emile is a charming funny guy, Sandra likes him.
However, Sandra says to herself
“Emile is a great guy, but he’s still in year 1. Moreover, I’m older than him and I don’t want to fall my hands in the eyes of my friends and co. by dating a year 1 guy.
However, since I enjoy his company so much, I’ll still be friends with him”
And that’s how Emile would be directed to the path of the friend zone. It’s now left for him to walk towards it and wallow in the dark alleys of friend zone or turn around and walk away from it.
2. You’re already doing too much… You’re too nice:
This is the main reason why guys enter the provider zone (a sub category of friend zone, where you’re often tagged as a ‘Mugu’ and exploited).
So you’re not a girl’s boyfriend yet, and you’re already doing everything a boyfriend should be doing for her;
You’re calling her morning, afternoon and night checking on her; you’re always there whenever she needs a shoulder to cry on; you’re spending most of your time with her, buying her foods and gifts.
Haba brotherly, you’re putting too much effort and ladies don’t react positively to that. You’re chasing her and it’s not wise to chase girls. (See why here)
I know you want her to see you as a boyfriend material; as a nice guy… you heard that ladies love nice guys.
Hahaha… bro that’s male mind thinking; Let me tell you how a female mind will think about this:
“Emmm… this guy is just trying too hard; I guess he’s not that of a catch like I thought.”
So she moves you to the friend zone jejely
Lemme further explain this point with this example;
“So you downloaded a basic version of this lovely App… and later you realized that this basic version has everything the premium offers. And the thing is that the basic version is free while the premium has a price tag… Would you still go ahead upgrading to the premium version? Knowing that you already have everything the premium offers for free?”
If you’re true to yourself, the answer is NO!
So why do you now think, she’ll want to be your girlfriend when she’s already getting everything a girl should get from her boyfriend from you… without committing to you as a girlfriend.
Girls are smart brotherly and she knows it’s a win-win situation for her.
3. You’re playing it too safe, you’re taking too slow… you’re avoiding risks:
So you met this girl and she just took all your breath away. And you say to yourself;
“I’ll take it easy with this girl, I don’t want to mess up things with her.”
So instead of making your intentions clear (that you want to have a romantic relationship with her) from the start, you decided to take it slow and act like a good friend, hoping to work up the ladder and become a boyfriend.
So instead of telling her “I’d like to take you out on a date tonight” you say “let’s hang out this evening” or “let’s go and eat”. In your chats instead of flirting with her; you’re there typing ‘how was your day?’ ‘How was your night’, ‘I hope you’re good’
Lol! You don’t want to spoil your “nice guy” status by showing her you’re interested in having sex with her.
When she uploads a dp; you compliment her so lightly like “nice dp dear”, “you look good”.
Instead of you to take the risk and tell her something like:
“These charming eyes of yours, one day they’re going to be the first thing I’ll see in the morning when I wake up”.
So you play it so safe and take it so slow.
But you never knew a lady’s attraction has a short expiry date. It’s usually highest when she meets you newly but if you dull, the attraction fades quickly.
So when her attraction for you must have faded; she friend zones you.
4. She’s not Available:
Another reason you might be in her friend zone is that she is not just available bro.
She might be in a very serious relationship; she might not be interested in guys generally (she might be a lesbian); she might have made a personal decision not to enter any romantic relationship until she’s ready for marriage and so on.
And she might have told you initially, but you don’t take ‘no’ for an answer and decided to keep pushing until you pushed yourself into her friend zone.
5. You’re not attractive enough for her
I’m sorry to hurt your feelings bro, but maybe you’re not that attractive to her.
And when I say attractive; I don’t just mean being good looking.
I mean overall attractiveness; having both presence and presentation.
So when you’re with her she just has these feelings of comfort and attachment, just like she feels when she’s with her female friends.
She doesn’t feel that emotions of lust and seduction in your presence.
In simpler terms, she doesn’t think of doing bad things with you when she’s with you.
Fortunately, this can be handled by you. You can become more attractive to women. You just have to get to know some fundamentals and certain strategies.
If you fall under this category, don’t worry I’m preparing something for you that will turn you to that sexy irresistible man almost every type of woman would want to date. Anticipate it!
Okay to the next reason.
6. You’re showing too much emotion:
Another reason you might have been friend zoned is that you showed too much emotion when you were courting her.
Generally, ladies are emotional unstable beings, with lots of mood swings, so they tend to seek out more emotionally stable beings; guys.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean girls like cold or heartless guys; no. I mean they like guys that talk about emotions without showing it much.
So if they see you showing too much emotion; maybe crying when talking about your last break up, or getting over jealous over trivial things. There’s a high tendency they’ll start seeing you like their female friend and they’ll friend zone you.
There’s a saying that “before you can cure a sickness, you’ve to figure out the cause.”
Now we’ve found out the reason why you might have been friend zoned, next I’ll talk about “How you can get out of this zone” and “How you could Avoid it in when approaching girls in the future”
Talk to you soon,
About the Author: Gerald Dike
Gerald Dike is the founder of Relationship Strategies For Men. He has helped thousands of men have better interactions and healthy relationships with women of their dreams. He is also an entrepreneur in one of the biggest countries in Africa.
You can grab his new Book here==> The Attractive Man: How to Become the Man Who Women Desire And Chase