The Friend Zone: How to Get Out Of the Friend Zone

How to Get Out of the Friend Zone Immediately

Last time I talked about reasons a lady might have friend zoned you. So today I’m going to tell you how to get out of the friend zone immediately.

But before I go on, I have to tell you why you should really leave that messed up place ASAP.


Firstly, your initial intention was to date that lady, so why settling for less by being JUST a friend? That’s why I keep on telling guys, “KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!”

A man who knows his worth will never settle for less in life; be it a job, be it a lifestyle; be it a relationship. He always goes and asks for what he wants, and if he doesn’t get what he wants, he leaves because he knows he deserves better.

So bro, you deserve BETTER than being just a friend to that lady you really want to date. Remember, Life is too short to settle for less.

Secondly, I know it hurts you so much whenever she’s telling you about her boyfriend or her admirers; sometimes she’ll even go to the extent of complaining about her boyfriend to you (and yet she will still not break up with him).

She will say something like:

“Ohh! You’re such a great listener; I wish my boyfriend will listen to me like you do”

You keep dying inside, praying one day she’ll break up with him and you’ll step in like a knight in shining armor and make her your woman. I’m sorry to burst your bubbles bro, but that’s likely not to happen. Even if she breaks up with him, she’ll probably date another guy; maybe someone she met newly and you’ll still be there waiting and hoping.

Why? She doesn’t see you as a dating option anymore.


Thirdly, Friend zone is just a time waster. That time you waste in friend zone is the time you could have used;

  • Approach new girls that would immediately want to date you or jump straight into your bed.
  • You could have used that time to concentrate on your studies/career for a better tomorrow or set up a business that will be bringing some serious money for you.

Finally, you should really get out of that friend zone because girls don’t really RESPECT a guy they’ve friend zoned.

They normally see him as this non-sexual creature; someone they can never think of having sex with. More like a female friend. That’s why some girls are even comfortable changing their clothes in front of a guy in their friend zone.

I’m a man and I know I don’t like being around places, situations, and people who make me feel lesser of a man. FRIEND ZONE makes you feel lesser of a man and you should LEAVE it.

Now how are you going to get out of the friend zone?

I’ll tell you.

How to get out of the friend zone


Now the best way to leave the friend zone, it’s to cut off the lady from your life immediately; as in drop her, forget her, and make new female acquaintances.

However, I won’t advise you to do this immediately; because there’s still 40% chance of leaving the friend zone and actually making her your girlfriend.

There are certain strategies you have to hit her with to know if she will respond positively.

I personally call them the EXIT STRATEGIES.



Now, if you’re in the friend zone; that means that the friendship between you and the lady is unbalanced.

In other words, you’re the one putting more effort; you’re the one who values the friendship more.

So these strategies will help you to balance the friendship first, then you ask her out or make love to her.

Are you ready for them?

Good… good!

1.  BECOME LESS INTERESTED. This first strategy on how to get out of friend zone is the strategy of the mind. You have to become less interested in the friendship. You have to make up your mind that you’ll walk away from her, if you don’t get what you want her from her (maybe a relationship or sex…whatever you want).

You’ll make up your mind that you’re no longer scared to lose her. It’ll help if you focus your mind on the reasons why you should leave that friend zone (which I listed earlier). Always keep reminding yourself, that you deserve better.

2. BECOME SCARCE. You should spend less time with her. If you usually try to see, text, or call her every day, you should really reduce that drastically. You should also reduce the way you do favors for her.

Why? Won’t you lose the lady if you do this? Lol! I’ll tell you why you should go scarce!

In 2009, Robert Cialdini, a Professor Emeritus of Psychology in USA conducted a research which led him to postulate the “Principle of Scarcity”.

This principle states that people value something more, when it’s rare or taken away from them

And personally, I believe this principle.

For instance

We only value Gold more than Iron because Gold is scarcer and I really didn’t know the importance of my right index finger until I lost it for some time to Witlo; after my index finger got better, the value it had in my eyes increased


So what am I trying to say? When you suddenly become scarce, she will start feeling your absence and start valuing your presence more. Most times, she’ll ask if anything is wrong. Just tell her that everything is okay, that you’ve just been busy running one or two things (never reveal what actually, create a bit of mystery; ladies love it).

Therefore, the second strategy on how to get out of the friend zone is scarcity.

However, when you go scarce and she didn’t notice your absence or tried to reach out to you, then she never valued bro, and I’ll advise you just to cut her off entirely. Know your worth bro.


3. BECOME ATTRACTIVE. When you’ve become scarce, you should also work on yourself on becoming a very attractive man. The man every lady wants to date. Like I’ve been emphasizing most times in this blog, it’s not just about being good looking… you need more. It’s not all about having money… this sure helps but you need more.

Let’s say you’re a naturally good looking guy, but you don’t have a great dress sense. An average looking guy with a great dress sense will be more attractive to women than you.

Okay, let’s say again you have a lot of money; but you don’t know how to have conversation with women. A guy with an average income who knows how to use humour effectively and is a great conversationalist who easily creates an emotional connection with girls will get more girls than you.  You might just keep finding yourself in the “Mugu” zone.

So being an attractive man is all about having both “presence” and “presentation”. Your presence is what will attract girls to you, while your presentation will make them yours; and becoming attractive will really help you in the next strategy.

How to get out of the friend zone

Become more social with girls


4. BECOME MORE SOCIAL WITH LADIES. The next step is to go out there and make more female friends. Don’t be scared to talk to them or answer their calls in front of the lady who friend zoned you. You can even discuss about these new girls with her.

Ladies usually like to have what other ladies want to have. Why? This is because of  something called pre-selection. If other girls (pretty as her or even prettier) wants you, then her brain tells her you must be very valuable and good with women; then she starts chasing you. Hence, girls tend to select men other girls have already selected as worthy mates; that’s why you see girls getting attracted to men in serious relationships, marriages, and popular guys over single guys.


So, if she notices other ladies flirting with you or trying to get your attention; she’ll be motivated to try and keep your attention because she’s now scared she might lose you to another female. And if she’s putting effort to keep your attention that means your friendship is getting balanced and you’re almost there.


However, for ladies to flirt with you or try to have your attention; you have to become an attractive man. But, if she doesn’t seem threatened or jealous when these other ladies are all over you; then she’s not into you bro, and she’ll never be your girl friend. That’s just the bitter truth.

So you’ll have to cut her off and find yourself another lady who is into you.


5. GET HER TO INVEST IN YOU. The final but not the least strategy on how to get out the friend zone is to get her to invest in you more. Ask her to do more favors for you. According to Horan, S. M & Booth- Butterfield in their book “Investing in Affection”

A giver feels more committed to the recipient of their giving. In simpler words, we tend to like and value something more when we’ve invested in it.


So when you get her to do favors, and invest more in you, consciously or unconsciously she says to herself;

“I’m doing and spending a lot of time with this guy; I guess I really like him”.

However, if you’re the only one doing and investing on her, she’ll say to herself:

“He’s doing a lot for me, guess he likes me really much and since I’ve not done anything for him yet, that means I don’t really like him back”

From experience, ladies go for guys they like and not for guys who like them.

So get her to invest in you too and it could be just small favors like:

Getting her to call you more, accompanying you to night class, helping you to get some food stuffs from the market (with your money), buying fruits or foods for you (with her money) and so on. If she’s doing all these for you, she’s getting more attached to you.


However, when you’re asking her for favors and she keep saying no or creating excuses why she can’t do it or be there; then it means she doesn’t value you. And you already know what to do. Cut her off from your life immediately.


Now, if she kept on giving you a positive feedback to these strategies;

For example

  • When you suddenly went scarce, she missed your absence and sought you out.
  • When you started flirting with other girls, she became jealous and started fighting to keep your attention and when you asked her for those small favors she complied.

Then congratulations bro, the friendship is now balanced and you have moved to the next stage where I’ll give you the strategies I call the CONVERSION STRATEGIES.

These strategies will help you to finally transform her to a girlfriend. In  other words, the EXIT STRATEGIES guides you on how to get out of the friend zone, however the CONVERSION STRATEGIES guides you on how to enter a romantic relationship with her.


NB: The conversion strategies will only work if you got a positive feedback from the exit strategies.




So when you have a positive response from the exit strategies. You now take it from there and ask her out or try to kiss her and so on.  So how do you do this?

1. OPERANT CONDITIONING. This simply means rewarding and punishing her actions. Maybe when you went scarce; she started calling or texting you very well, you should reward that action by giving her your attention again… but if she stops, you punish her by withdrawing your attention. Maybe when you asked her for favors, she obliged. You should reward her by paying attention when she’s doing them, but if she stops, you punish her by withdrawing your attention too.

You understand the drill now?

Good, good!


2. TRY TO KISS HER. Like the saying goes; “It all starts with a kiss” So if you really want to leave the friend zone and enter the relationship zone, you have to try and kiss her.

Why? People that are “just friends” don’t kiss each other.  I’ll advise you to go for the kiss immediately you notice she’s responding positively when you applied the “exit strategies” on her. Move fast with girls.



You could ask her out on a date, if you don’t want to go for a kiss (but I prefer the kiss first)

However, you have to ask her out boldly and in a direct manner.

What do I mean?  Okay, let’s assume her name is Amanda.


You’ll tell her something like:

“Amanda, I would love to take you out on a date, not as a friend but as a potential boyfriend… because I just can’t remain friends with a girl I have these intense feelings for…” If you’re bold enough to say something like this bro, looking into her eyes, and holding her romantically,  she’s likely to agree to go out on a romantic date with you.


It’s best to do this “face-to-face” with her, don’t say it over a phone or text it to her. The ball is now on your court to make a great impression on the first date. But I’ll still go for that kiss first if I were you.


4. MAKE HER YOUR LOVER IMMEDIATELY. If you really want her to be truly yours, you’ve to make love with her. The truth is that kissing is not enough; and if you don’t try to move fast with her and escalate physically, she’s likely to relegate you back to the friend zone, and that would be the final nail on the coffin. No strategies in the world will help you out then.



Like the saying goes; you can’t be doing the same thing and expect a different result.

You cannot remain that nice, polite and understanding guy to the girl who friend zoned you, and one day you’ll be promoted to the boyfriend. No! It doesn’t work like that. If you want to leave the zone, you’ve to make up your mind you deserve more and you’ll be willing to let go if you don’t get what you want.

Then you apply the exit strategies; if she responds positively to it, then you apply the conversion strategies and make her your girl.

On the other hand, if she didn’t respond positively, cut her off, get her off your mind, and get yourself a girl who will love you like you love her.


Cheers to your exit from the friend zone,


Read Also: How to Avoid Friend zone When meeting New girls

About the Author: Gerald Dike

Gerald Dike is the founder of Relationship Strategies For Men. He has helped thousands of men have better interactions and healthy relationships with women of their dreams. He is also an entrepreneur in one of the biggest countries in Africa.

You can grab his new Book here==> The Attractive Man: How to Become the Man Who Women Desire And Chase

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