She has a boyfriend: What to do
Okay, you met this gorgeous damsel, and you two hit it off. You felt that you two had this chemistry and you can tell she likes you too. Then suddenly, you find out that she has a boyfriend.
What should you do? Should you just give up and let her go, or should you ask her about the relationship or should you just continue like you didn’t hear anything?
Well… before I answer that, I’ve to advise you on something.
DON’T ASK A LADY IF SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND
You know… one thing I try to make sure in this my short life on earth is that I SIMPLIFY everything in my life. I don’t like complicated things.
So when I see a lady I like, it’s either she’s married or not married. If she’s married, I’m not interested (I don’t do married women).
But if she’s not married, she’s single to me. Simple! I don’t care if she has a boyfriend.
Unless, she happens to be the girlfriend of my guy who is close to me—then I abide by the bro code and stay clear.
For I know there will always be a man angry that you’re hooking up with a particular lady. Maybe her ex-boyfriend who wants her back, some secret admirer, the guy in her friend zone, her father (biological or the sugar one)… and so many more.
So I cannot be worrying about pissing off some guy(s) that I don’t even know, every time I see a lady I’m attracted to. “Gerald cannot come and kee himself.”
Some guys will ask me, “Gerald, but what if is your own girlfriend?” Of course, guys will always woo a lady I’m dating. I don’t feel insecure about that for I know as long as I’m doing my work right, she will resist every guy who approaches her.
And if she doesn’t, then it’s between her and me. And not with those guys; because they didn’t force her.
Well, this is just a personal opinion. So you can always ignore it.
So back to the matter: When a lady tells you, “I have a boyfriend.” What should you do?
PAY LESS ATTENTION TO WHAT A LADY SAYS
The more experience you’ve with ladies, the more you realize that most things that come out of a lady’s mouth is not entirely true. Hence, you shouldn’t take everything a girl tells you at face value.
A girl might tell her friends, “I so much hate this guy.” Then the next week, she sleeps with the same guy. You might see women telling you that money and attention is all they want from a man. But so many times you have heard or seen ladies cheat on their partners who showered them with lots of money and attention.
It’s always best to pay attention to a lady’s body language. That’s where the real truth lies.
So if she tells you she has a boyfriend, watch her body language. If she’s smiling at you, giving you a sexy eye, leaning towards you, and other positive body language. Neglect what she said and continue doing what you were doing like nothing happened.
But if she tells you she has a boyfriend while having a closed and negative body language—arms crossed, avoiding eye contact with you, contributing less in the conversation, negative facial expression.
Then she’s likely rejecting you—maybe you did or said something wrong or you’re just not her type. Then if that’s the case, you should round off the conversation ASAP and get out of there.
Her: I have a boyfriend though. [She’s smiling, leaning towards you and looking into your eyes]
You: Well, if you’re not married, you’re still officially single… I hope you know?
Her: [laughs] so what about you? Do you have a girlfriend?
You: It depends… [This is you applying some intrigue]
Her: On what?
Or you could also reply that statement just as one our bros Eddy-Dawn mentioned in our private Fb group yesterday: He said, I quote:
“So, if a woman throws the ‘I have a boyfriend line,’ there are two ways to handle it…
- I) Qualify
- II) Disqualify.
Her: I have a boyfriend.
You: Thank God! I actually thought you were a lesbian.
Her: I have a boyfriend.
You: My grandma has two, so you need to step your game up.
The next step is very important, change the topic immediately, you can go back to what you were talking about or bring up a new topic.
By so doing, you’ve split her defense open, you’ve shown a higher value that you’re not disturbed by her status, and you can now proceed further with your conversation.
Other responses could be…
- My girlfriend has a boyfriend too.
- Oh… you think I’m hitting on you? Lol
- Oh… you’re already considering me as a suitor?
- I don’t care.
- That’s okay. I’m not the jealous type.
- Not so fast, we’re just talking here. Don’t get the wrong idea.
So, always deflate her power by disqualifying or qualifying, then changing the topic immediately.
But the general idea still remains that, if she doesn’t respond to you, feel free to remove all attention from her.
One thing about legit advice is that once you see or hear it. Your intuition will scream, “Listen to it,” This is some legit advice Eddy-Dawn unleashed regarding this topic. So do listen to it bro.
Okay then, what if she TRULY has a boyfriend she’s in a relationship with but she’s still giving you green light? What should be your next line of action?
WHAT TO DO WHEN SHE REALLY HAS A BOYFRIEND
So you happen to like this girl and it’s clear she has a boyfriend.
Now, let’s see some reasons a lady who has a boyfriend will be flirting with you and spending time with you in the first place and what you should do if you find yourself in that situation.
REASONS A GIRL WHO HAS A BOYFRIEND WILL SPEND TIME WITH YOU
1) SHE WANTS TO MAKE THE BOYFRIEND JEALOUS:
Sometimes, a lady will start flirting with you JUST to make her boyfriend jealous. You’ll know if this is the case if:
- She shows you more affection where and when her boyfriend or her boyfriend friends could see it.
- She’s usually distracted when she’s with you. Always looking towards the direction where her boyfriend is at.
Once you notice this is the case, don’t take the lady seriously.
She’s not with you because she likes you; she’s only with you because of HIM—his boyfriend. In other words, she’s USING you to get to her boyfriend.
What you should do in this scenario is to move EXTREMELY fast with the lady; try to get her some place alone and try escalating physically with her.
Don’t play her game of trying to make her boyfriend jealous with her. Don’t agree to meet her boyfriend while holding her romantically.
Just try and get her alone with you. If she resists you, then let her go immediately. Never allow her waste a minute of your time or a joule of your energy.
2) SHE JUST WANTS A FRIEND:
In the post titled, “Four categories women slot men in their life,” I discussed that an average lady wants to have a friend, lover, provider (boyfriend), and authority figure in her life.
Maybe she sees you’ll make a good friend, and she wants to slide you into her friend zone. Or her boyfriend is this very busy type, so she wants you as an entertainer or a good company.
You’ll notice a girl wants to friend zone you when she avoids date where you two would be alone together. But prefers going on dates in public places. She clearly tells you she has a boyfriend and often tries to tell you problems or things about her relationship.
Once you notice this, cut her off and go your way. She’s a time and resource waster. Don’t stay and be texting her and calling her always.
Don’t be that nice polite guy to her who is trying to show her how you would be a better boyfriend than her present guy. Never do that bro.
3) SHE’S NOT HAPPY WITH HER RELATIONSHIP
Now there’s this scenario that the girl doesn’t want to make the boyfriend jealous nor does she want you as a friend.
It’s just that she’s really not happy with her relationship. Maybe her boyfriend has made her to fall out of love with him or he’s boring or she thinks you would be a greater catch than her present boyfriend or another thing.
You’ll notice if this is the case if:
- She found it a bit difficult to let you know she has a boyfriend in the first place. Maybe he (the boyfriend) called and called her on phone and then you asked her who it was, then she hesitated before saying something like, “It’s actually my boyfriend.”
- She tells you her relationship is a bit complicated.
- You see her wanting to spend time alone with you.
So if this is the case, and you genuinely like her, then you’ve step up and replace the boyfriend. Yeah, I know. It’s an unfair world out there.
How to Displace the Boyfriend
a) Forget that she has a boyfriend:
This means you shouldn’t ask her about her relationship, or how close they are. Or why her relationship is complicated. Just focus on being an attractive man. Hence, just be calm, confident, seductive, connect emotionally, move fast and be bold with her.
b) Don’t Compare yourself with her boyfriend:
Most times, when a guy finds out that a girl has a boyfriend, he starts comparing and competing with the boyfriend.
That is, he tries to call more, text more, be more romantic and stuff. To show the lady he’ll be a better boyfriend than him.
He might also try to save her from her relationship. Don’t do this bro. You know, don’t be those guys who usually tell girls, “Your boyfriend treats you so bad, I’ll never do that to you,” “I’ll treat you like a queen you deserve, your boyfriend is taking you for granted.”
When you’re doing all these things; comparing and competing with her boyfriend; you’re chasing the lady and telling her you desperately want to be in a relationship with her. And that would do you more harm than good.
First of all, ladies don’t react too well when a guy is chasing them. They tend to form more.
Secondly, if you’re chasing her, then you’re not that of a high value man as she thought you to be. Because high value men don’t chase or compare themselves with a girl’s boyfriend. Therefore, she thinks to herself that she’s better off with her boyfriend after all.
c) Don’t act like a boyfriend to her:
A girl in a relationship is not actually looking to enter another relationship. She’s likely seeking for a fling.
Let me explain better with an illustration:
Let’s say a guy is in a serious relationship, and he gets a bit bored of the relationship. Then he meets two girls at that period of his boredom.
The first girl acts more like his girlfriend; is reserved, cooks good food for him just like his babe, and presents herself so chaste and pure to him.
While the second girl is a bit of a naughty club girl. Dresses to kill—a seductress who puts all these naughty thoughts into his mind.
Who do you think the guy will go for? The second girl obviously, since the first girl is already like his girlfriend who he is already bored with. While the second lady is someone more exciting. Someone different.
Now, what do you think will happen as the guy and the second girl starts rolling, and with time, she cooks him good meals just like his girlfriend and is usually reserved when she’s with him in public? The guy starts catching real feelings for her.
This is the same thing with a girl who has a boyfriend. Don’t come across as a boyfriend; instead be like a lover—the naughty mysterious nonjudgmental dude.
Then when she gets intimate with you more than once, and you start acting more like a boyfriend to her—maybe you started taking her on more romantic dates and started getting more interested about things happening in her life…. She’ll now start pushing for commitment from you, and when you now agree to commit to her, she breaks up with the boyfriend by herself.
d) Handle all Objections:
Since she has a boyfriend… she might throw to you some objections especially when you’re trying to escalate with her. When those objections come, you’ve to be persistent and smart enough to brush off all objections.
Scenario: You kissed her and as you withdrew she said…
Her: I can’t be doing this with you… I have a boyfriend.
You: If you don’t tell him… I won’t. I can keep secrets you know.
Her: But I’m feeling so guilty.
You: I didn’t notice that when you kissed me so passionately. But girl, your lips taste so nice. [You say this as you pull her closer to you]
You: You and I know that your heart wants to be here…with me. So don’t feel guilty for following your heart. [Then you escalate more by going in for another kiss and the ozza things]
When a lady tells you she has a boyfriend; observe her body language. If she says it with a positive language, ignore the talk and carry on with the conversation and interaction. If she said it with a negative body language, start planning to abort the mission.
On the other hand, if you’re certain she is really in a relationship. Try to find out the reason she’s flirting and spending time with you. Once you find out, act accordingly.
But whatever you do, never waste time and resources chasing after an attached lady. You’re only going to get yourself hurt.
Talk to you soon,
About the Author: Gerald Dike
Gerald Dike is the founder of Relationship Strategies For Men. He has helped thousands of men have better interactions and healthy relationships with women of their dreams. He is also an entrepreneur in one of the biggest countries in Africa.
You can grab his new Book here==> The Attractive Man: How to Become the Man Who Women Desire And Chase