The Indirect approach

How to Approach Women Anytime and Anywhere: The Indirect Approach


This is the part II of the series on how to approach girls using the indirect approach. So if you missed the Part I read it HERE


Like I said in the Part I, I would be going in depth with the indirect approach in this part. Basically, in this style of approach; you start a casual conversation with the lady first, you keep the conversation interesting and intriguing, and then you ask for her number or a date (as the case may be).

So, how do you start a conversation with a random lady you just met?



There are several ways to start a conversation with a lady you’ve not talked with before. We call it breaking the ice.

However, I’m going to give you THREE techniques that have worked best for me, my friends and other guys I’ve coached.

1. Ask for a favour from her: You can just ask her for a small favour. If she agrees (most times she’s going to), she’s investing in you. And that has a positive psychological effect on her. Check out the Ben Franklin effect

Personal Example:

So I was at this fast food in town, doing some paper work with my laptop, when this gorgeous lady walked in, ordered for some snacks immediately and sat a table away from me. As she sat down, she made an eye contact with me and quickly looked away (she sent a signal).

After about 3 mins, I walked up to her and said,

“Hey, I’m sorry to disturb you, but could you watch my laptop for a minute, while I go order for something to eat?”

“Okay, no problem” she replied.

When I came back with what I ordered, I headed straight to her table.

“Thanks a lot dear”, I said cheerfully.

She smiled and mumbled, “You’re welcome”


“By the way, I’m Gerald, what about you?” I introduced myself immediately.

While extending my hand for a handshake (Touch is very vital, it helps to eliminate the stranger feeling and establish trust) 

“I’m Cassie” she replied as she lightly shook my hand.

“Can I join you? Cassie. I hope you don’t mind”

I wanted to seat down ASAP (because it wasn’t smart that she’s sitting, while I was still standing)

“No, I don’t mind” she replied.

As I sat down, I engaged in an interesting conversation with her, at the climax of the conversation (when the conversation was very interesting), I asked for her phone number. She gave it to me… I talked some more with her… then I told her I’ve got to go back to my work and it was really nice getting to know her.

At the evening, I called her and set up a date with her the following day.

Bonus Hint: Just ask for small favours. It could be asking for her pen in the bank; or to help you pass the drink opener in a canteen. Just be a bit creative bro.


2. Ask her a question: Asking her a question is another way you could start up a conversation with a random lady.

And the good thing is; she’s probably going to answer you, because right from childhood people have been trained to answer questions. That’s the reason when someone asks you “what’s the time?”, you immediately look at your watch; like a reflex action.


Personal example:

On a certain Sunday morning, I went to pick some things in a nearby supermarket. As I entered to the food aisle, I saw this beauty checking the snacks row. I approached her immediately and asked her a question.


“What is she doing here on a Sunday morning, shouldn’t she be in Church?

  She glanced at me and replied,

“The same thing you’re doing here, shouldn’t you be in church too?”

“Hehe, the priest is coming to my house later in the evening for a personal service… I just came here to pick what we’ll need for the service.” I joked.

She chuckled, and then said, “Funny… Actually, I went for the first service, so I decided to come and pick a few groceries”

“Okay, that kinda makes sense … Anyway, I’m Gerald, what about you?” while extending my hand for a handshake

“I’m Amaka” she replied as she shook my hand. Then I held her hand for a while and said.

“That’s a lovely name… So Amaka, You stay around, right?… coz I don’t think you would travel miles just to pick up small groceries.”

She smiled and replied “Yes, I do stay around”

“That’s awesome! I stay around too… We should hang out sometime”

“Can I have your phone number?” I requested while handing her my cell phone.

She then gave me her number.

“I’ll give you a call” I said smiling. “And in case you’re not satisfied with that service you went for…you can still join us later in the evening for ours” I added teasingly.

She giggled nervously and said “Thanks, I think one service is enough for me today.”

“All right, it was really nice meeting you Amaka, talk to you later” I chipped in as I walked away and continued my shopping.

Bonus Hint: Try to make the initial question interesting. Don’t ask questions which are too personal.


3. Make an Intriguing Statement:

Here you just make a statement to the girl; as if you were thinking out aloud.

It’s usually a clever observation you noticed around the immediate environment. Just make sure the lady is close enough to know you directed the question to her.


For example:

Maybe the weather was really cold, and you just say to her;

“Mehn! This weather is weather for three”.

She might respond by; replying directly to the statement or laughing or  smiling and so on.

If she responds, just engage her in a conversation; if she doesn’t, you just made a statement.  A win-win technique.


Other examples of the statement technique:

  • Maybe you’re eating in a restaurant and a lady you like is sitting near you. You could say looking at her:

“This food is really delicious; but I’m sure the person that cooked this cannot cook pap more than me”

  • Maybe you were in a boring lecture or class or seminar. You could say to her;

“I’m certain, if someone who is suffering from insomnia  comes for this class, he would doze off immediately”


Bonus Hint: Try to make the statement funny, clever or controversial; so it can get her attention enough to respond.


Also Note: I have been rejected sometimes using the above techniques… I just gave examples with the ones that worked. I love focusing on the positives. So don’t think if you use this indirect approach, you won’t be rejected at all.

Rejection by ladies is inevitable



  • When you and the lady are in close proximity and are moving slowly or in a stationary position; use indirect approach. For example: If you’re in a bus with her; shopping together in a supermarket; she’s standing in front of you in a queue; she’s seated near you in class, lecture or something ; or in the waiting area with you in a bank, office, hospital etc.
  • If you know you would still be seeing the lady; maybe she lives around, or she’s your colleague, course mate or classmates; I advise you to use the indirect approach.
  • If her friends are around and you noticed she’s the shy type. It’s better to use the indirect approach too.
  • And finally, if you’re the shy type or you’re not yet confident enough for the direct approach… Use this until you’re confident enough for the direct approach.




  • It takes lesser guts to carryout unlike the direct approach.
  • The success rate is high. 7 times out of 10, you get her real phone number.
  • Easiest way to build up your confidence more with women in general.
  • Even if you get rejected, it won’t be that awkward unlike the direct approach.



  • If you’re not wise bro, the indirect approach will lead you straight to the friend zone.
  • Some girls prefer guys who are confident enough to directly approach them. So they might sense you as a weak man if you use it on them.
  • You cannot use the indirect approach if the lady is in a quick motion. For instance; if you see a lady that really caught your attention, walking down the street…and  you stop her just to start a casual conversation with her. That will be super awkward. In that situation, you have to use the DIRECT approach. And that’s what I’ll be discussing in the part 3.

But for the meantime, go and try these techniques out.

Remember, the more you practice something, the more you get good at it.


I’ll talk to you soon bro,


Read Next: How to Approach Women Anytime and Anywhere (Part III) Here.


About the Author: Gerald Dike

Gerald Dike is the founder of Relationship Strategies For Men. He has helped thousands of men have better interactions and healthy relationships with women of their dreams. He is also an entrepreneur in one of the biggest countries in Africa.

You can grab his new Book here==> The Attractive Man: How to Become the Man Who Women Desire And Chase

Get articles directly in your mailbox

Posted in Article, Getting women and tagged .

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *