An Attractive Man is not a Player
As an attractive man, sometimes, people do mistake me for a player. Several ladies have even accused me of advising or encouraging men to become players or fuck-boys.
Well, I’m not bothered about what people think about me as long as I know who I am.
However, I want to clear things. So that someone might not do the wrong thing because of the wrong perception of me.
I’m not a player and none of the strategies I’ve given or will reveal in future is intended for you to become a player.
All the strategies I give is intended for you to become an attractive man.
And in this post I’ll differentiate between being an attractive man and a player. Then whichever you choose to become, it’s entirely your choice.
After all, life itself is all about choices.
Who is a Player?
Personally, I define a player as a person who plays with someone’s feelings. Someone who uses and manipulates people. An individual who gives people the wrong expectations.
Unlike what the society has made us to believe; a player is not a male thingy only. Hence, we have both Playboys and Playgirls. From my recent findings, I’ve found that they’re more playgirls than playboys nowadays. But that talk is for another day.
- If a guy meets a lady and gives her the impression he genuinely wants a committed relationship with her, when he only wants to have sex with her. He is a player.
- When a woman leads a man on—making him believe he is the main guy. Hence, taxing and billing him like the main guy. When in reality she doesn’t even consider him in her first 10 mates. She’s a player.
- A man who promises a lady marriage, and even went to the extent of engaging her. Just to keep sleeping with her… is a big-time player.
- The lady who tells the guy she’s dating that she’s a virgin while sleeping with other guys is a hardened player.
I hope you understand where I’m coming from. A Player is known for deceit, manipulation, and giving wrong expectations. An attractive man, on the other hand, is honest, tells and shows you exactly the way things are from the start.
Wrong Expectations is What Actually Hurts Someone
Let’s assume you met this sexy stunning model. You two hit it off; what a dream come true. As the relationship proceeded, she made you believe that there’s nothing that would make her happier than to spend the rest of her life with you.
Then you proposed to her in public several months later, and to your utmost surprise, she declined your proposal. You felt embarrassed, furious but mostly you’re confused. “But I thought she said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me?” You asked yourself.
Then later on, you found out there was another man in the picture all those while. In fact, he was the main guy who her heart actually belonged to. And you were just a mere backup plan in case he didn’t come through.
Now, you feel depressed and hurt. Why? You felt manipulated and used. She gave you the wrong expectations.
Honesty is an important Virtue of an Attractive Man
Now, let’s assume you met another lady; a beauty queen. And from your initial discussions and conversations with her, you realized that she’s not looking to commit to one man anytime soon. She is so much in love with her freedom.
However, this particular lady understands you more than any other girl in your life. The little time you’ve spent with her; she made you believe more in yourself—that you can be whatever you want in life.
And she even gave you practical steps you could follow to achieve your goals and it’s actually working. Plus she’s a very attractive and sexy woman.
You can feel that the little time you’ve been with this woman, your life has actually been better. But the only problem is that she doesn’t want to commit to one man at the moment.
As a human being you’re, you fell for her as time went on. And stubbornly you decided to try your luck and proposed to her.
But she declined, and reminded you that she didn’t want to commit fully to anyone. You’re feeling a bit bad that she declined your proposal. But you’re not feeling hurt because you always knew at the back of your mind, you were not the only man in her life.
And even if you find out later that she was seeing a particular guy then, you won’t be that surprised or hurt because she made it clear from the start that you were not the only one.
What is the difference between the two illustrations? Honesty and right expectations… Simple.
An Attractive Man doesn’t Hurt a Lady Intentionally: a Player does
There is one simple rule which guides me in EVERYTHING I do in life. Which is, “The golden rule: do unto others what you would want others to do unto you.”
I know how it hurts to be led on by someone. I’ve been there before—it’s an awful feeling. This is the reason I don’t lead girls on. I don’t give ladies wrong expectations anymore.
What I don’t wish for any guy to do to my sister or a lady I love, I won’t do it to another lady.
It is better I scare girls off initially with the truth. Than to comfort them with a lie, then hurt them later with the truth.
I’m fucking real with ladies.
Let Go of Bitterness: An Attractive Man doesn’t have Any
I’ve found out that, “Behind every player—someone who hurts others on purpose is a bitter experience.” Only a hurt person hurts people.
This is why I always emphasize on the importance of forgiveness here. You need to forgive every lady—or person who has ever hurt you in one way or the other.
Bitterness is heavy—it weighs one down and drains your happiness, and deprives you of your inner peace.
Trust me, anything that deprives you from total happiness and inner peace in this life, is not worth it. And before you become an attractive man, you’ve to let go of ALL bitterness and grudge within you.
When you know you’ve let go totally is when you genuinely wish happiness and good things to the girl(s) who hurt you. And when you don’t have negative feelings towards females in general.
Stop Making Unnecessary Enemies for Yourself
You’ve to understand that the more you hurt people, the more you make more enemies for yourself.
As Tacitus. C. once said, “Men are more ready to repay an injury than a benefit, because gratitude is a burden and revenge a pleasure.”
So the more ladies you hurt, the more you have women praying and hoping they have their revenge against you. And the world is such a small place, hence, no one knows tomorrow.
Personally, I’m in good terms with almost all my exes and former lovers. Although we’re not friends, per se, we don’t keep in touch like friends do.
But whenever I see or meet any of them, we could always sit down and talk with no bad feelings.
Ladies Don’t Only Want Committed Relationships Too
For the most part of the year 2018, I stayed off committed relationships. It was a very busy year for me, so I had no time to manage a committed relationship with a lady.
In case you’re not aware, committed relationships require time and quite an effort from you. So think it through before entering one.
So, I did mainly casual relationships last year—nothing too serious. But did I have to lie to ladies that I wanted to commit to them in a serious relationship before they agreed to get intimate with me? No!
The girls I hooked up with, were they cheap girls? Hell no! Check their social media handles and you see LOTS of men—even my dad’s mates who are begging just to have a date with them.
Understand this brother:
“Girls are not serious relationship freaks like the way society sees them as. They want casual stuffs too—you know… flings and stuff.”
Now, if you go to ladies and blatantly tell them you just want a casual thingy, most of them will give you a negative response.
Maybe you say, “See girl, I don’t want to date you… I just want to strafe,” even a lady who is into only casual relationships would probably reject you.
I mean, you came across like she’s a prostitute or something. And no lady wants to be referred to as a prostitute, not even a prostitute.
So how do you do it? You frame it.
An Attractive Man uses Frame Control
Frame control is a way you give girls an impression without blatantly spelling it out to them. Ladies use it a lot.
For instance, instead of a lady telling you blatantly that she’s an expensive and hot lady who several big boys chase.
She would indirectly tell you stories about how this guy who has a Range Rover has been chasing her for over a year, and she refused. She would also tell you stories about different guys who have been chasing her; calling her on phone nonstop.
All she’s trying to do is to give you the impression, she’s a high class expensive chick. She’s using the frame control.
You should use that on ladies too…it works like magic.
The Casual Relationship Frame
So I didn’t overtly tell those girls that I just wanted a casual relationship with them. Instead, I used frame control to imply to them that I’m not a boyfriend material.
During our initial conversations I found a way to use the frame control and get her to think what I wanted her to think—which in this case is that I’m not looking for committed relationship.
For Example: Maybe during the conversation she asks me:
Her: So tell me, are you in a relationship?
Me: [Smiles] Relationships are cute. But I can’t be in one right now.
Me: Well, my life is too unstable for that now. I’m so busy that I hardly have time for myself. How could I now have time for a girlfriend? It would be totally unfair to her.
Now, I have indirectly told her I’m not looking to enter any committed relationship anytime soon.
Framing is not Enough
If you want just casual stuff with a lady, framing her to believe you’re not a boyfriend material is not enough.
You’ve to be a sexy man too— a man who is capable of putting naughty thoughts in a woman’s head making them want to do bad things with him.
You should also be a good conversationalist—someone who could easily get ladies tell him deep things about themselves and connect emotionally with them.
Then you’ve to be dominant and bold enough to move fast with her. Leading her to somewhere private, you could physically escalate with her while being smart enough to handle and dismiss all her last minute objections why she shouldn’t get intimate with you.
But most importantly, to have casual thingy with a lady, you’ve to give her the FEELING that you’re not a judgmental person—not even a bit.
And afterwards, you won’t see her as a slut or a cheap lady because she agreed to have casual sex with you or that you would kiss and tell your friends.
You’ve to give her the feeling that you absolutely find nothing wrong with two adult just having some casual fun and you’ll keep it on a low-key.
Well, I never told you it would be easy. But if you’re able to transform yourself to that attractive man, you won’t be needing to lie to women or use money or gifts to get gorgeous and model-like looking ladies to have flings with you.
When you become that attractive man… Just like James bond—ladies won’t be having sex with you because you promised them commitment or you’re their man. But because they just want to fuck your brains out.
Leave Girls Better Than you Met Them
For me, I think the main purpose of a friendship/relationship is improvement. I cannot enter a relationship—whether committed or casual with someone who won’t bring some kind of improvement in my life.
The same goes with my friendships. I don’t date or associate with parasites. I also make sure I’m no parasite to anybody in my life.
So, I always try to impact positively to the life of any woman I bring into my life. Emotionally, financially, mentally, educationally, sexually, and the rest of the “ally’s.”
I always try to leave women better than I met them. And I advise you to do so too. But before doing that, make sure you make your life better first—for charity begins at home. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup. So fill yourself first.
An Attractive Man doesn’t Fake it
Every lady I approach, I’m genuinely attracted to her—well, except when I’m trying to do a warm-up. But any lady I decide to enter any sort of relationship with, I genuinely care about her.
I really want to see her achieve her dreams and live out her passions and fantasies. And I would help her in anyway I can, as long as I don’t have to sacrifice my own dreams to make hers come true.
Well, I am my greatest priority in life, so my dreams and goals always come first before another person’s.
All I am trying to say is I don’t just sleep with any girl I see just to increase my body count. Any lady I go down with is because I really DESIRE to make love passionately to her.
So I cannot have the intention to just use and dump a lady and still approach her. If I don’t like a girl, I won’t even bother approaching her. I got no free time or energy to waste on things or people I’m not passionate about.
Be an Attractive Man—It is Better
So who exactly is an attractive man? I see an attractive man as someone who knows exactly what he wants and knows how to get it without hurting other people in the process.
For instance, if you want to be in a committed relationship with an extremely beautiful lady… You’re an attractive man when you’re capable of going out there and finding yourself a beautiful lady— and not settling for a less pretty lady.
Also you could get her to commit and fall in love with you within the time frame you’ve set for yourself.
And if what you desire is just casual relationships—nothing serious. You’re an attractive man if you could get girls of your taste to enter casual relationships with you without hurting or lying to them in the process.
In summary, an attractive man is a man who is smart enough not to be played by ladies, and mature enough not to hurt ladies. And this is the sort of man I try to transform men to, with my strategies and techniques.
I just want you to be able to have EXACTLY the type of romantic life you wish to have without hurting ladies and yourself in the process.
Just like any knowledge on earth—it could be used for either good or bad. It depends on the mind of the person who receives the knowledge.
But I’ve always and will always intend it to be used in a good way.
With that said, I repeat: I’m not a Player but an Attractive man.
About the Author: Gerald Dike
Gerald Dike is the founder of Relationship Strategies For Men. He has helped thousands of men have better interactions and healthy relationships with women of their dreams. He is also an entrepreneur in one of the biggest countries in Africa.
You can grab his new Book here==> The Attractive Man: How to Become the Man Who Women Desire And Chase