Don’t Rush Into a Committed Relationship
I have noticed that a lot of relationship problems men face originates from the fact that they rushed into a committed relationship with a girl. Truth is, a lot of men are dating girls who are wrong for them.
Hopefully, after reading this post; you’ll avoid entering a relationship with a girl who is wrong for you.
So, let’s say Akpos saw this girl in his street; tall ebony damsel with a cute dimple and voluptuous body. The girl was exactly his spec. The first time Akpos saw this girl; he fell in love and he made a decision that he must make this girl his girlfriend.
Rule number 1: Never fall in love too fast.
Bro, don’t be like Akpos. Don’t ever fall in love with a girl from afar. A lot of bros make this mistake of falling in love too quickly with a girl. Even when the girl has not done anything to deserve the love.
When you do this, you become timid and nervous around the girl and this will definitely blow your chances of ever getting the girl.
Types of Romantic Relationships
There are basically two types of romantic relationship you can have with women:
1) Casual Relationship:
Just as the name implies; casual relationship is sort of temporary; short-term basis. Examples of casual relationship are one-night stands, friends with benefits and side chicks/guys. Basically, this relationship is more of sexually motivated.
2) Committed Relationship:
This one is a relationship you enter with a long-term future in mind. Examples of committed relationship are the ones shared between boyfriends and girlfriends; fiancées and fiancés; husband and wife. Basically, this relationship is more of a connection based.
If you have been reading my articles for a while; you’ll know I always encourage men to move fast with women and take them to bed ASAP. You’ll also know, I don’t encourage men to lie or give women wrong expectations of wanting to date them just to get into their pants.
It’s always best to let a girl know implicitly that you don’t plan dating her; you just want a casual stuff. Honesty is the core quality of an attractive man.
So, the format is to move fast and enter a casual relationship with girls first. Then, once you’re now in a casual relationship with a girl; you move slowly.
You now check if she’s going to be a good fit for you as a girlfriend. If she won’t; you keep the relationship casual until it finally fades (casual relationships don’t last). But if you see she would make a good girlfriend; you now convert her into a girlfriend to have a serious/committed relationship with.
Fact is, once you’re already sleeping with a girl; it’s very easy to make her a girlfriend.
Not Every Girl is Right For You as a Girlfriend/Wife
If you’re still a bit inexperienced with women; you’ll still have a scarcity mentality with women. Hence, you’ll likely be less picky when choosing a girlfriend. So, you can lower your standards for now, until you’ve mingled with enough women that you now possess the abundance mentality.
But always have in mind that not every girl would make a good girlfriend; and it’s quite relative. I mean, a girl who might be a good fit for you, might be a bad fit for me and vice versa.
So, when choosing a girlfriend; pick her on the basis of compatibility. Always enter a committed relationship with someone who is compatible with you.
Don’t make a girl your girlfriend just because you’re in love with her. Don’t make a girl your girlfriend just because she’s beautiful. These things are not enough to sustain a committed relationship.
Girls I don’t Enter a Committed Relationship With
I’ve failed a lot of times with women; but I always try to learn from each failures. And experiences I got from those failures have made my future interactions and relationships with women more successful. And from all this, I’ve known some girls who are not good for me as girlfriends or anything serious. They are:
1. Party/Club Girls:
First, let me define who I refer to as club girls. These are girls who like to party—the club regulars. They know almost every club in town and the best ones among them.
The thing is, these girls are really fun to be with; they’re truly life of the party. They’re very naughty and wild; in fact, the best sex experiences I’ve had are with party girls.
However, I can’t be in a serious relationship with these sort of girls; all I can offer them is casual relationships.
Why? First of all, I’m not really the club type. I do go to club; but it’s sparingly—like four or five times in a month (and that is in a month I really felt like partying). And if I’m going to clubs; it’s just for one main reason; to pickup girls (club-type girls to be precise).
So, if I enter a committed relationship with a girl who loves clubbing; she’ll expect me to be taking her to club regularly. And Gerald cannot come and do what he doesn’t like just to please a girl. So, a club girl will easily get bored in a committed relationship with me.
Secondly, a club girl is more likely to be unfaithful in a relationship. I mean, she loves hanging out in an environment which encourages casual sex. I mean; loud music, dark environment, sexual dancing, smokes, drugs and lots of alcohol. So, one day she’ll likely loose-guard and cheat. And her friends will likely be club girls who would encourage her to cheat.
“Baby girl, be free and enjoy your life jare; after all, you’re not yet married,” her friends would likely tell her.
So, I can have hookups and crazy sex with a club girl. But that’s all it’s going to be; I can’t date her.
I don’t date girls who think they’re equal in all ramifications with me—who has the belief that a man shouldn’t be the leader in the relationship. That whatever a man can do; a woman can do it better. Being in relationship with a feminist will only bring up drama and fights; because we both have two contrasting views. But I do have them as female friends and friends-with-benefits.
3. Girls With Emotional Baggage:
I can’t even have a friends-with-benefit relationship with this kind of girls. The only I can do is a one-night/day stand.
But, what do I mean by girls with emotional baggage? These are girls who are depressed, ladies with big trust issues (maybe because of series of bad relationships, sexual abuse or rape), women with the victim mentality and over-jealous girls.
The thing is that due to the instinct of males to provide and protect; most men are usually motivated to be the white knight to these sort of girls and try to save them. I’ve tried that before with a depressed girl and she ended up transferring the depression to me.
Also, it’s too much stress and work trying to earn the trust of a girl with trust issues; they’re one of the most insecure people I’ve met.
What I normally do when I notice a girl has a lot of emotional baggage is to encourage her to get a professional help. Gerald is neither a Therapist nor Psychiatrist.
These are basically the three types of girls I don’t enter committed relationships with because they’re not compatible with me.
Date Girls Who are Right For You
The steps below will help you to date girls who are right for you.
1) Know Thyself: It always starts with you. Hence, you must examine yourself to know the kind of person you’re. If you’re a feminist-ally, then dating a feminist won’t be much of a problem for you. If you’re the club-type; maybe a club girl would be a good fit for you.
So, know thyself. Also, analyze girls you’ve had amazing relationships with in the past; try to know similar qualities they shared. For example, if most of your exes, you had a good committed relationship with were a bit of extroverts; then you’re likely compatible with extroverts than you’re with introverts.
2) Screen Girls: You should always try to get to know a new girl and actually pay attention to what she reveals to know the sort of person she is. Form a habit of getting girls talk more about themselves; while you listen and analyze. Also, pay attention to her actions because it’s usually truer than words.
3) Control Your Emotions: Keep your emotions aside and analyze logically when deciding if a girl is worthy to be your girlfriend. Especially the emotions of love, lust and infatuation.
I remember this hardcore feminist I met sometime in the past, and as we got to know each other—exchanging body fluids and all, I started developing serious feelings for her; but I knew a committed relationship was never going to work for us.
So, I kept the relationship casual. So. it won’t be easy, but for your sanity, inner peace and happiness; control your emotions and make decisions based more on logic.
The thing is, I’ve found out that the best committed relationships I’ve had, are usually with girls who are a bit conservative, submissive, book lovers and ambitious. So, I usually date girls with similar qualities.
Are You Currently in a Committed Relationship With Someone Who is Right or Wrong For You?
You know you’re dating the right person if:
- You two have a lot of similar interests; For example you both love books, music, travelling, spiritual views, etc.
- You two usually do things together. Maybe read a book; go to a seminar; practice music; pray together; travel together, etc.
- The time you two spend are usually very rewarding. That is, you two spend quality time together. You both feel very comfortable with each other.
- Since, you two have similar interests and do most things together; you’ll feel very connected to each other.
- There’s little game or power play in the relationship. You two see the relationship as partnership; instead of competition.
On the other hand, you know you’re dating the wrong person if:
- You two have a lot of dissimilar interests; maybe you’re a football lover and she hates football. She loves dancing and sees it as a career; and you think dancing is a waste of time; she loves reading; and you don’t get why someone would pick up a book when he doesn’t have an exam coming up.
- You two do things differently. Since, you both have dissimilar interests; you two would likely do things differently. Maybe you’re watching football; and she’s dancing.
- The little time you two spend is usually awkward and stiff. And since, the vibe is usually wrong between you two; you two will feel very distant with each other.
- There’s a lot of game or power play in the relationship. You two see the relationship as a competition instead of a partnership. And you and the girl will always be struggling to be the victor.
If you find out you’re dating the wrong person; the best thing to do is to breakup with the girl. But don’t be an asshole about it. Do it with charm and compassion. Let her know it’s not about her; it’s about you; that you need some time alone to sort some personal issues out.
Don’t rush into a committed relationship with any girl. Move fast and take girls to bed. However, keep the relationship casual until you’re sure she’s compatible with you before converting her into a girlfriend. And before you commit to a girl; make sure she’s already committed to you.
Stay Safe Bro,
About the Author: Gerald Dike
Gerald Dike is the founder of Relationship Strategies For Men. He has helped thousands of men have better interactions and healthy relationships with women of their dreams. He is also an entrepreneur in one of the biggest countries in Africa.
You can grab his new Book here==> The Attractive Man: How to Become the Man Who Women Desire And Chase