Polygamous and Hypergamous Nature of Men and Women Respectively
Are men really polygamous? And do women practice hypergamy? Or is it just something both genders use to cover up their irresponsible acts?
This is a very sensitive one. It usually brings up heated bitter arguments. But the truth must be let out. But before I go on, let me explain these two terms.
According to Wikipedia
Hypergamy is a term used in social science for the act or practice of a person marrying a spouse of higher caste or social status than themselves.
While Polygamy is the practice of marrying multiple spouses the same time.
Hypergamous Nature of Women
So are women really hypergamous? Did nature program them to feel attraction for dominant men within their grasp?
Yes and yes.
But why is this so?
Well, it boils down to their primary biological instinct.
Like I said in the first post of the series, “Differences between men and women,” every female is wired internally to mate and carry the seed of the most dominant male accessible to her and then get a provider male to commit to her; a male who can provide the needed securities for her offspring to survive.
And this is the reason women usually date men who are more dominant/successful than them or as dominant/successful as themselves.
Generally, women date sideways and upwards. That is, they usually date men who are in the same social class or in a higher social class than them.
Now, when I talk about dominance/success, it doesn’t necessary mean the guy will have more money or material possessions than the woman. It just means there is something (valuable to the girl) he does better than her. It might just be a little thing.
- He is better looking than her.
- More intelligent/brilliant than her.
- Has more focus, ambition and drive than her.
- He is more sexually experienced.
- Has more fame than her.
- He is more talented, etc.
Hence, you’ll hardly see a woman entering a committed relationship with a guy she’s better than in all aspects.
So, it’s absolutely normal and natural that your woman who is committed to you would feel attraction for a man more dominant/successful than you. And if a girl ever cheats on you with a guy, just know that there’s something that guy is doing better than you.
A lady cannot cheat on you with just an anyhow guy who you’re better than in every aspect—unless she was really drunk that day.
Even if a girl breaks up with a guy and the new boyfriend doesn’t match the dominance level of her ex, she’ll always value the relationship she had with the ex more. And if ever the ex comes back calling, she’ll easily run back to him.
And women do this not because they want to; but it’s just how Mother Nature programmed them; you can’t fight nature.
So naturally, women are hypergamous in nature.
Polygamous Nature of Men
Now, are men polygamous? Were they actually programmed to desire and keep more than one partner at the same time? Or are the irresponsible ones just using it as an excuse for their lack of self-discipline?
Well, let’s make reference to the male biological instinct.
A man’s primary biological instinct is to spread his genes to quality females who could give him healthy offspring.
Most things a man does in his lifetime is connected to this biological instinct.
For example, the main motivation for men to become more dominant and successful in life is to get access to quality females, because they know instinctively that women are naturally attracted to dominant men.
And what an average man interprets as quality women is not how successful a woman is; no, not at all.
What men consider as a quality woman is how physically attractive the woman is.
Hence unlike women, men have no problem dating a woman who they’re better than in all aspects—as long as the girl is physically attractive enough for his taste.
So what usually happens is whenever a guy sees a girl who his mind has marked as quality female; his male instincts alert him that she’s a good vessel for him to spread his genes and he automatically develops sexual feelings for the girl immediately.
This is the reason a guy might cheat on his girl with a lady who is lesser attractive and successful than his girl. It usually baffles people, why on earth would he do such a thing.
I mean, what does that girl have, that his partner doesn’t have in double portion?
Well, the thing with men (and other higher male animals) is, as long as a man finds a woman physically attractive, he will feel sexual attraction for the woman; regardless if his woman is more attractive than the girl.
All the guy is thinking at that time is to spread his genes to quality females which is communicated to him via strong sexual feelings for the girl which would usually overpower his logical and rational thinking.
Natural Selection: The Strongest Survive
In the end, Mother Nature doesn’t care about feelings and emotions. If it did, it wouldn’t have made carnivores to survive only by taking the life of other animals. So nature doesn’t know what is cheating, relationship or marriage.What Mother Nature understands is that it wants only the strongest species to survive.
This is the reason women were wired to be sexually attracted to dominant/successful men—which signifies strong/favorable genes. And men on the other hand, were wired to be attracted to quality/gorgeous women—which also signifies strong/favorable genes.
That is, Successful Men + Gorgeous Women= Strong Offspring with favorable genes.
Hence, no woman would readily mate with that good for nothing man who all he does is to drink and roam around aimlessly. That sort of man disgusts most women.
Why? Because he doesn’t have favorable genes to pass down to her children.
And if no woman agrees to mate with him that means he cannot pass his genes to the next generation; and when he dies off, his lineage is cut off from the world; because he possess weak character/genes to pass down.
On the other hand, a typical man would not be sexually attracted to a woman who is greatly physically disfigured. Because she doesn’t have desired qualities to pass down to his offspring.
And if no man plants her seed in her and she reaches menopause; her lineage will be cut off.
Natural selection at its best. Remember, Nature is emotionless.
It’s Really All About Survival
So as you can see, men and women were wired to be polygamous and hypergamous respectively—just for the human species to have a very high survival chances in this ecosystem.
Nature programmed the male human to be able to mate as much females as he can. Hence making him to be polygamous. And I think this is the reason an average male can impregnate more than 10 females per day. And also why a man is biologically capable of impregnating fertile women even till old age.
While Nature programmed women to be able to identify male with strong favorable genes and get attracted to them. This is the reason, most women can sense a man who would be very successful than his fellow men.
In the end, survival is a game of numbers. The higher number of species, the higher rate of survival of that specie. And vice versa.
Human females also have high nurturing and protective instinct, generally known as mother’s instinct. They also reach menopause, a stage where they biologically stop reproducing. Hence, focusing more effort and attention on their offspring. This also increases the survival rate of those children.
I believe this is one of the main reasons, human beings are the most successful species on earth so far.
Self-Discipline Is Key
Now does this mean that men are not capable of being in a monogamous relationship? Does this mean that every woman will likely dump their man for a more successful man?
No, not at all. The human mind is very powerful. It can achieve anything it is willed to accomplish.
Hence, a man can be in a monogamous relationship ONLY when he makes a decision to do so. A woman can ignore other men more dominant/successful than her man ONLY when she makes a decision to do so.
In the end, it’s all about SELF-DISCIPLINE. And self-discipline is all about making a firm decision and following it through. But the main problem is that a lot of people have not made that firm decision—including the individual writing this article.
Women are hypergamous in nature. This means that their ovaries start jumping up and down when they come across a man they perceive to be dominant/successful—regardless if they already have a man.
Men are polygamous in nature. This means that they feel a great desire to be and mate with more than one woman at the same time.
However, it takes SELF-DISCIPLINE to go against this nature and be faithful to your partner. So when choosing a partner and you don’t want to share him/her try picking someone who has self-discipline.
Also, be the sort of individual your partner would be motivated to apply self-discipline and self-control for. Because the human mind knows that it’s not every individual is worthy of being faithful and loyal to.
About the Author: Gerald Dike
Gerald Dike is the founder of Relationship Strategies For Men. He has helped thousands of men have better interactions and healthy relationships with women of their dreams. He is also an entrepreneur in one of the biggest countries in Africa.
You can grab his new Book here==> The Attractive Man: How to Become the Man Who Women Desire And Chase